Hi there, I'm Jack vonSerialarsonist, and I introduced the Pope to red Prada loafers.
I know some may have been looking for a blog update, but I don't have one for you. I'm sorry, but my life was absorbed by a little thing called: BRAWL!
Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
Its that addictive. In any case, I'll post this week with a review, along with some other patented humor. By the way, I have a new email address: jackvonserialarsonist@earthlink.net
So yeah, drop me a line. Cheers.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Star Wars, Star Wars?! WE DONT NEED NO STINKING STAR WARS!
Hi there, I'm Jack vonSerialarsonist. I convinced Dick Cheney to take up quail hunting.
Well readers, here it is, blog number two. Those of you who get the 'Badges' reference, kudos to you! Your death will be quicker but probably not less painful. As you all should know, we all read and consider fan suggestions, however, there is one suggestion that has been posted again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again! I talk about: Star Wars parodies.
Ladies, Gentlemen, Various Hooved Mammals, I give you my first rant.
Now, I'm not denying that Star Wars is a great series. I LOVE Star Wars. I would like nothing more than to be able to shoot lightning from my finger tips, choke people from across the room, and slice up anyone I didn't like. Darth vonSerialarsonist...I like the sound of that. But back to reality. Star Wars parodies are some of THE most common parodies there are. And to have us do them would be doing Star Wars an injustice, (and Lego Star Wars beat us before we could get to it.)
Now, basically asking us to do a Star Wars Episode is a crime. Imagine that Star Wars is a favorite relative of yours, who goes into a coma and clearly states that he wants to die peacefully, and does so. But then comes the parody the first time, and brings him back, and he lives on a bit more, until dying again, losing more brain cells. Repeat the process several million times per parody, and you leave Star Wars an empty shell of its former glory, reeking of urine and drooling all over you when you want to give it a hug.
I dont like being slobbered on when I hug someone, though when I hug, I'm typically plotting someone's demise...but I digress, we could never do that to Star Wars. We respect it too much. But that doesn't stop people from sending us these sort of suggestions. Note: I'm changing names to keep the annoyances anonymous. {Note to self: Create the AA, Annoyances Anonymous.}
Here is the kind written by the 7-12 year old fanboy.
Deer joe and dan and jak,
lollz0rz, i <3 ur lst muve u no wat wuld b funE, STAR WARS!!!!!!!!1 jak culd totaly b vader. U GUYZ ROK! lololololloolololllool!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!1 -Annoying Dumb!*&# One
Here is the kind written by the 12-15 year old fanboy.
Dear Joe, Dan, and Jack,
DUDES! YOUR LAST MOVIE WAS SO AWESOME I TOTALLY LOLD WHEN JACK MADE THAT GUY HIT HIMSELF! I LOVE YOUR GUYS MOVIES!! YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE FUNNY? A STAR WARS EPISODE! IT WOULD BE HILARIOUS, JACK COULD TOTALLY BE DARTH VADER!!!!!! CAN I BE IN THAT ONE BECAUSE I SUGGESTED IT? YOU GUYS ARE COOL! LOLZ -Annoying Dumb!*&# Two
And my personal favorite, but nonetheless annoying, the kind written by the 16 year old+ fanboy/geek.
Dear Joe Dan and Jack,
I thought your last movie was a great testiment to stop-motion movies. I've never before seen such quality from an ameteur creator. Frankly I found it hilarious when you had the "The Cake is a lie" reference. However you forgot that the Portal Gun cannot close portals, noobs. But to my original point. I think it would be hilarious if you did an episode dedicated to Star Wars. As comedic geniuses yourselves, I'm certain that you can see the merit in doing an episode dedicated to the finest work of my God, George Lucas. It would be fantastic in every way. May the Force Be With You. -Annoying Dumb!*&# Three With No Life, Overweight, Pathetic Social Skills, Lives in his Parents' Basement, and finds Princess Leia brand Gold Bikinis attractive.
As you can see, they are more or less the same. Now if you think I'm overrreacting, those were just three letters. We get SO MANY fan letters daily, and almost all of them ask for a Star Wars parody. If you havent picked up my point yet, perhaps this will clear it up:
WE ARE NOT DOING ANY STARWARS MOVIES! WE WILL NOT DO ANY STAR WARS MOVIES NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU ASK! WE VALUE YOUR OPINIONS, BUT STOP ASKING FOR STARWARS!
To further my point, I searched all of YouTube, and found that Star Wars Parodies made from Legos. The result were as such: 98% of Lego Movies were Star Wars Parodies, 1% Were Harry Potter Parodies, and the other 1% were ours. Note: None of these figures are true, but they get the point across. It doesn't matter anyway, in my new world order, my word is law, so when I take over, these figures will be correct up until I destroy the parodies.
Now don't get us wrong, we love being written to, but for the love of Yoda, enough with the demand for Star Wars Parodies! Try and be creative. Please? PRETTY PLEASE!?
Well, that out of my system, I hope you all learn a valuable lesson from this: As much as we love lightsabers, Hyperspace, Death Stars, Gold Bikinis, and Samuel L. Jackson as the token black guy who gets the electric finger, give it a rest. Leave it to Hollywood to bring things back from the grave...and experts such as Necromancers and Voodoo Preists.
So then, guys and girls, that brings this week's blog to an end. Next week, I might write in a game review, or perhaps something else. Joe and Dan aren't the only one to take suggestions. Have something you want me to rant about, or anything else you want to see, drop me a line. oninx@earthlink.net
I'll take ideas into consideration, though if you ask me to do anything about Star Wars, I'll just tell Joe that you have a cake with you, and leave it at that.
So, until next time readers, and may the farce be with you. -Jack vonSerialarsonist
Well readers, here it is, blog number two. Those of you who get the 'Badges' reference, kudos to you! Your death will be quicker but probably not less painful. As you all should know, we all read and consider fan suggestions, however, there is one suggestion that has been posted again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again! I talk about: Star Wars parodies.
Ladies, Gentlemen, Various Hooved Mammals, I give you my first rant.
Now, I'm not denying that Star Wars is a great series. I LOVE Star Wars. I would like nothing more than to be able to shoot lightning from my finger tips, choke people from across the room, and slice up anyone I didn't like. Darth vonSerialarsonist...I like the sound of that. But back to reality. Star Wars parodies are some of THE most common parodies there are. And to have us do them would be doing Star Wars an injustice, (and Lego Star Wars beat us before we could get to it.)
Now, basically asking us to do a Star Wars Episode is a crime. Imagine that Star Wars is a favorite relative of yours, who goes into a coma and clearly states that he wants to die peacefully, and does so. But then comes the parody the first time, and brings him back, and he lives on a bit more, until dying again, losing more brain cells. Repeat the process several million times per parody, and you leave Star Wars an empty shell of its former glory, reeking of urine and drooling all over you when you want to give it a hug.
I dont like being slobbered on when I hug someone, though when I hug, I'm typically plotting someone's demise...but I digress, we could never do that to Star Wars. We respect it too much. But that doesn't stop people from sending us these sort of suggestions. Note: I'm changing names to keep the annoyances anonymous. {Note to self: Create the AA, Annoyances Anonymous.}
Here is the kind written by the 7-12 year old fanboy.
Deer joe and dan and jak,
lollz0rz, i <3 ur lst muve u no wat wuld b funE, STAR WARS!!!!!!!!1 jak culd totaly b vader. U GUYZ ROK! lololololloolololllool!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!1 -Annoying Dumb!*&# One
Here is the kind written by the 12-15 year old fanboy.
Dear Joe, Dan, and Jack,
DUDES! YOUR LAST MOVIE WAS SO AWESOME I TOTALLY LOLD WHEN JACK MADE THAT GUY HIT HIMSELF! I LOVE YOUR GUYS MOVIES!! YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE FUNNY? A STAR WARS EPISODE! IT WOULD BE HILARIOUS, JACK COULD TOTALLY BE DARTH VADER!!!!!! CAN I BE IN THAT ONE BECAUSE I SUGGESTED IT? YOU GUYS ARE COOL! LOLZ -Annoying Dumb!*&# Two
And my personal favorite, but nonetheless annoying, the kind written by the 16 year old+ fanboy/geek.
Dear Joe Dan and Jack,
I thought your last movie was a great testiment to stop-motion movies. I've never before seen such quality from an ameteur creator. Frankly I found it hilarious when you had the "The Cake is a lie" reference. However you forgot that the Portal Gun cannot close portals, noobs. But to my original point. I think it would be hilarious if you did an episode dedicated to Star Wars. As comedic geniuses yourselves, I'm certain that you can see the merit in doing an episode dedicated to the finest work of my God, George Lucas. It would be fantastic in every way. May the Force Be With You. -Annoying Dumb!*&# Three With No Life, Overweight, Pathetic Social Skills, Lives in his Parents' Basement, and finds Princess Leia brand Gold Bikinis attractive.
As you can see, they are more or less the same. Now if you think I'm overrreacting, those were just three letters. We get SO MANY fan letters daily, and almost all of them ask for a Star Wars parody. If you havent picked up my point yet, perhaps this will clear it up:
WE ARE NOT DOING ANY STARWARS MOVIES! WE WILL NOT DO ANY STAR WARS MOVIES NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU ASK! WE VALUE YOUR OPINIONS, BUT STOP ASKING FOR STARWARS!
To further my point, I searched all of YouTube, and found that Star Wars Parodies made from Legos. The result were as such: 98% of Lego Movies were Star Wars Parodies, 1% Were Harry Potter Parodies, and the other 1% were ours. Note: None of these figures are true, but they get the point across. It doesn't matter anyway, in my new world order, my word is law, so when I take over, these figures will be correct up until I destroy the parodies.
Now don't get us wrong, we love being written to, but for the love of Yoda, enough with the demand for Star Wars Parodies! Try and be creative. Please? PRETTY PLEASE!?
Well, that out of my system, I hope you all learn a valuable lesson from this: As much as we love lightsabers, Hyperspace, Death Stars, Gold Bikinis, and Samuel L. Jackson as the token black guy who gets the electric finger, give it a rest. Leave it to Hollywood to bring things back from the grave...and experts such as Necromancers and Voodoo Preists.
So then, guys and girls, that brings this week's blog to an end. Next week, I might write in a game review, or perhaps something else. Joe and Dan aren't the only one to take suggestions. Have something you want me to rant about, or anything else you want to see, drop me a line. oninx@earthlink.net
I'll take ideas into consideration, though if you ask me to do anything about Star Wars, I'll just tell Joe that you have a cake with you, and leave it at that.
So, until next time readers, and may the farce be with you. -Jack vonSerialarsonist
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Hi there, I'm Jack vonSerialarsonist
Hi there, I'm Jack vonSerialarsonist. I sew together then detatch siamese twins.
That out of the way, greetings and salutations! I'm Jack. You might recognize me from Portals, Behind the Scenes, etc. as the evil, sadistic, manipulative monster that terrorizes Dan and Joe. Well, we got to thinking, and decided that since there can be weeks between new episodes, we should keep you, the fans, entertained. Now, as much as I LOVE torturing people, even I have some respect for the fans.
So after an extremely grueling Rock-Paper-Scissors tournament, I was chosen to somehow keep you all busy. So, I thought, why don't fans get to know the REAL Jack vonSerialarsonist? In truth, I'm not as stupid as I appear to be in the show...though just as evil. But what better way than this blog? There isn't, unless you could somehow see me juggle flaming kittens.
So, every week, I'm going to have another post, another story to tell, and hopefully another way to keep you all hooked as our videos implant my messages into your mind to turn you into my loyal slaves. With this first one, I'll be gentle and not warp your innocent minds too much...by telling you some things that Behind the Scenes DIDN'T tell you.
Dan actually killed one of the camera men when the Ball-Cube physics made him snap. It was funny to watch. During that time I stole his, Joe's, and the dead man's wallets. It was a good day.
Dr. K's "Thats What She Said" box made 22,579 more jokes in the next two and a half hours. You see, the guys from the show served a hot dog lunch. Dan got a foot-long while Joe was there, and one thing led to another.
Yes, I'm actually British, and my name IS NOT really Jack vonSerialarsonist...I mean really! That sounds idiotic. It sounds like the dumb sort of name a messed-up teenager in the middle of Indiana would come up with....my name's ACTUALLY Jack vonMajorstrangler.
Isn't it ironic that the first video involved Samuel L. Jackson teleporting, then about a year later, Samuel L. Jackson is in a movie where he hunts down teleporters? Just something to ponder.
Well fans, I hope this has given you at least a mild chuckle considering this is my first attempt at writing my thoughts NOT in blood, but look for new blogs weekly!
Well then, this is Jack vonSerialarsonist saying, "Good night, Sleep tight, don't let me bite and drain your soul." ...I know, it doesn't rhyme. But whatever. -Jack vonSerialarsonist.
That out of the way, greetings and salutations! I'm Jack. You might recognize me from Portals, Behind the Scenes, etc. as the evil, sadistic, manipulative monster that terrorizes Dan and Joe. Well, we got to thinking, and decided that since there can be weeks between new episodes, we should keep you, the fans, entertained. Now, as much as I LOVE torturing people, even I have some respect for the fans.
So after an extremely grueling Rock-Paper-Scissors tournament, I was chosen to somehow keep you all busy. So, I thought, why don't fans get to know the REAL Jack vonSerialarsonist? In truth, I'm not as stupid as I appear to be in the show...though just as evil. But what better way than this blog? There isn't, unless you could somehow see me juggle flaming kittens.
So, every week, I'm going to have another post, another story to tell, and hopefully another way to keep you all hooked as our videos implant my messages into your mind to turn you into my loyal slaves. With this first one, I'll be gentle and not warp your innocent minds too much...by telling you some things that Behind the Scenes DIDN'T tell you.
Dan actually killed one of the camera men when the Ball-Cube physics made him snap. It was funny to watch. During that time I stole his, Joe's, and the dead man's wallets. It was a good day.
Dr. K's "Thats What She Said" box made 22,579 more jokes in the next two and a half hours. You see, the guys from the show served a hot dog lunch. Dan got a foot-long while Joe was there, and one thing led to another.
Yes, I'm actually British, and my name IS NOT really Jack vonSerialarsonist...I mean really! That sounds idiotic. It sounds like the dumb sort of name a messed-up teenager in the middle of Indiana would come up with....my name's ACTUALLY Jack vonMajorstrangler.
Isn't it ironic that the first video involved Samuel L. Jackson teleporting, then about a year later, Samuel L. Jackson is in a movie where he hunts down teleporters? Just something to ponder.
Well fans, I hope this has given you at least a mild chuckle considering this is my first attempt at writing my thoughts NOT in blood, but look for new blogs weekly!
Well then, this is Jack vonSerialarsonist saying, "Good night, Sleep tight, don't let me bite and drain your soul." ...I know, it doesn't rhyme. But whatever. -Jack vonSerialarsonist.
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