Grand Theft What!?

Hi there, I'm Jack vonSerialarsonist, and I'm wanted in 51 states.

That aside, ladies, gentlemen, various apes who've managed to get access to computers, and few species of trees connected to the internet, I actually have quite a bit to cover in this go-round. Now, understand that I've put this off a bit because of my rehersals. Joe and I are producing my addition to the stage, "The Bourne Identity, the Musical." Starring myself as Jason Bourne and Joe as Conklin, its going to be a hit with such songs as, "Who Am I", "Now You See Me, Now You Dont," and my personal favorite, "Epic Fight Scene in New York Between the Protagonist and the Evil Hitman Type Person In Which They Both Hurt Eachother but the Bad Guy Gets Away and Isn't Mentioned Until The Third Book Which Really Kinda Pisses Me Off, but Still a Good Story In My Opinion Song."

Also since my last update, I've aquired into my vast storehouse of games, the long awaited, heavily acclaimed Grand Theft Auto IV. Allow me to say, that it is amazing. The graphics, the mechanics, the gunplay, the plot, the characters, ALL of it.

Note: Not for kids. Seriously, the F-Bomb is dropped constantly. Oh, and the whole mass-theft-violence-sex-drugs-war thing...

Now, as has been building in the games, there IS a plot. Our story is on Niko Bellic, decent guy from Eastern Europe who comes to good ol Liberty City because his cousin convinced him that life was awesome. He lied. Immediately he is brought into debt, and to just survive, Niko does the only thing he does well: Kills. He puts himself on the market as a hitman, putting the years in the Serbian war to good use. Frankly, he's no mobster, and he's just trying to find the guy who betrayed him all while trying to be a decent guy. Now, had -I- made the game, I'd be the main character, and there'd be far more explosions, war, and general evil. But to each their own.

But as it is, I love it! Guns, Girls, Cars, Games, Gambling. Its like Las Vegas compacted into a disc and brought into your home to completely destroy all your moral values! Nothing says, "I'm a Winner" like whipping out an AK-47 and going to town. 10/10 in my opinion. To counter mine, I've brought in Doctor Jimmy, my internet savvy slave hobo.

Yisssere! Gots all tha things that guys like me need! Tipping the homeless, geting to sleep in a bed, not smelling like urine and dirt when you wake up and being able to wear shiny new suits now if only that were real life...He's left the room. I'm going to publish this and cry Help! This man has me captive! For the love of all things holy[DELETED]

Fun guy when he's sober. Now, I haven't seen Iron Man yet, so I have no reason to bash it. Now if -I- had a supersuit, well, again, look up and read about the explosions and whatnot. So lets see, I've mentioned movies, games, and...ah, yes, I remember, there IS a point to this.

I know that you people read this blog, and that you've mentioned it to Vaksha(Joe) on occasion in emails, but come on, I need attention too! I beg and plead for comments and ideas, but get the silence except a mandatory comment from Joe, and one or two adds. Now, I'm not going to ask you to comment, I'm going to demand it. If you do not, expect your C drive erased. Yeah, I know you nerds out there. Just wipe your WoW account and all your files, and what do you have left!? *cue thunder and lightning*

I also want to announce, Drumroll please,

NATIONAL WORSHIP JACK WEEK!

That's right! Now you all have the option to pick a week of the year, and devote it all to worshipping me and sending me money. You know I look forward to it as much as you do. So, I expect your cash along with your comments. Cheers!

Jack vonSerialarsonist
oninx@earthlink.net