Hi there, I'm Jack vonSerialarsonist, and I'm wanted in 51 states.
That aside, ladies, gentlemen, various apes who've managed to get access to computers, and few species of trees connected to the internet, I actually have quite a bit to cover in this go-round. Now, understand that I've put this off a bit because of my rehersals. Joe and I are producing my addition to the stage, "The Bourne Identity, the Musical." Starring myself as Jason Bourne and Joe as Conklin, its going to be a hit with such songs as, "Who Am I", "Now You See Me, Now You Dont," and my personal favorite, "Epic Fight Scene in New York Between the Protagonist and the Evil Hitman Type Person In Which They Both Hurt Eachother but the Bad Guy Gets Away and Isn't Mentioned Until The Third Book Which Really Kinda Pisses Me Off, but Still a Good Story In My Opinion Song."
Also since my last update, I've aquired into my vast storehouse of games, the long awaited, heavily acclaimed Grand Theft Auto IV. Allow me to say, that it is amazing. The graphics, the mechanics, the gunplay, the plot, the characters, ALL of it.
Note: Not for kids. Seriously, the F-Bomb is dropped constantly. Oh, and the whole mass-theft-violence-sex-drugs-war thing...
Now, as has been building in the games, there IS a plot. Our story is on Niko Bellic, decent guy from Eastern Europe who comes to good ol Liberty City because his cousin convinced him that life was awesome. He lied. Immediately he is brought into debt, and to just survive, Niko does the only thing he does well: Kills. He puts himself on the market as a hitman, putting the years in the Serbian war to good use. Frankly, he's no mobster, and he's just trying to find the guy who betrayed him all while trying to be a decent guy. Now, had -I- made the game, I'd be the main character, and there'd be far more explosions, war, and general evil. But to each their own.
But as it is, I love it! Guns, Girls, Cars, Games, Gambling. Its like Las Vegas compacted into a disc and brought into your home to completely destroy all your moral values! Nothing says, "I'm a Winner" like whipping out an AK-47 and going to town. 10/10 in my opinion. To counter mine, I've brought in Doctor Jimmy, my internet savvy slave hobo.
Yisssere! Gots all tha things that guys like me need! Tipping the homeless, geting to sleep in a bed, not smelling like urine and dirt when you wake up and being able to wear shiny new suits now if only that were real life...He's left the room. I'm going to publish this and cry Help! This man has me captive! For the love of all things holy[DELETED]
Fun guy when he's sober. Now, I haven't seen Iron Man yet, so I have no reason to bash it. Now if -I- had a supersuit, well, again, look up and read about the explosions and whatnot. So lets see, I've mentioned movies, games, and...ah, yes, I remember, there IS a point to this.
I know that you people read this blog, and that you've mentioned it to Vaksha(Joe) on occasion in emails, but come on, I need attention too! I beg and plead for comments and ideas, but get the silence except a mandatory comment from Joe, and one or two adds. Now, I'm not going to ask you to comment, I'm going to demand it. If you do not, expect your C drive erased. Yeah, I know you nerds out there. Just wipe your WoW account and all your files, and what do you have left!? *cue thunder and lightning*
I also want to announce, Drumroll please,
NATIONAL WORSHIP JACK WEEK!
That's right! Now you all have the option to pick a week of the year, and devote it all to worshipping me and sending me money. You know I look forward to it as much as you do. So, I expect your cash along with your comments. Cheers!
Jack vonSerialarsonist
oninx@earthlink.net
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Cloverwhat?
Hi there, I'm Jack vonSerialarsonist, and I hold cake infront of fat people trying to lose weight.
That out of the way, this week came the Return of the Peeps. Now, it doesn't take a genius to see that -I- was not in the video. Well, that was because Vaksha was punishing me for my prolonged absence. I was forced to sit and watch and not participate, and then was supposed to sleep with the Peeps left alive. On that note, I dedicate this post to Mikael Georgiopolini. The second best body-double I ever had. May he rest in peace....in the digestive system of Peeps...
Well, expect commentary for the lastest video soon from Frembo and Vaksha. In the mean time, I need to address a controversial topic....
Cloverfield.
Now, from what I've seen, there are two kinds of people: Those who loved Cloverfield, or those who got sick watching Cloverfield. Now, serioiusly. Dont bash the movie because you have weak stomachs. -I- liked it...and not just because there was death, destruction, chaos on a mass scale, etc. It also had a giant monster which is a plus in my book. So, I'm one of the people who loved it. Though that still makes me say, 'Hey, so you get motion-sick easily. Your problem, dont diss a good movie.
I mean...get bitten by a monster, explode. I love that. On that note, I do want to get the 'puppy' that JOHNNY ZAMBRANO mentioned...
...
......
...........Yes, i'm that evil.
On another note, I got an interesting statistic....you know how many people have come to this blog from the constipated potato website? OVER TEN THOUSAND! HAD I KNOWN THAT ANYBODY ACTUALLY READS THIS, I WOULDA FORCED MYSELF TO WRITE MORE! GAH!
Still, what's done is done. TEN THOUSAND! Oh my god, thank you ladies and gentlemen. That is one helluva number, but we need more! Spread the word! Email me! Send sugggestions! I'm running dry here because there isn't much to say this week!
oninx@earthlink.net Suggestions. Always take them.
Given its late and not much happened, I'm calling it a night! Until next time!
That out of the way, this week came the Return of the Peeps. Now, it doesn't take a genius to see that -I- was not in the video. Well, that was because Vaksha was punishing me for my prolonged absence. I was forced to sit and watch and not participate, and then was supposed to sleep with the Peeps left alive. On that note, I dedicate this post to Mikael Georgiopolini. The second best body-double I ever had. May he rest in peace....in the digestive system of Peeps...
Well, expect commentary for the lastest video soon from Frembo and Vaksha. In the mean time, I need to address a controversial topic....
Cloverfield.
Now, from what I've seen, there are two kinds of people: Those who loved Cloverfield, or those who got sick watching Cloverfield. Now, serioiusly. Dont bash the movie because you have weak stomachs. -I- liked it...and not just because there was death, destruction, chaos on a mass scale, etc. It also had a giant monster which is a plus in my book. So, I'm one of the people who loved it. Though that still makes me say, 'Hey, so you get motion-sick easily. Your problem, dont diss a good movie.
I mean...get bitten by a monster, explode. I love that. On that note, I do want to get the 'puppy' that JOHNNY ZAMBRANO mentioned...
...
......
...........Yes, i'm that evil.
On another note, I got an interesting statistic....you know how many people have come to this blog from the constipated potato website? OVER TEN THOUSAND! HAD I KNOWN THAT ANYBODY ACTUALLY READS THIS, I WOULDA FORCED MYSELF TO WRITE MORE! GAH!
Still, what's done is done. TEN THOUSAND! Oh my god, thank you ladies and gentlemen. That is one helluva number, but we need more! Spread the word! Email me! Send sugggestions! I'm running dry here because there isn't much to say this week!
oninx@earthlink.net Suggestions. Always take them.
Given its late and not much happened, I'm calling it a night! Until next time!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
I'm ALIVE!
Hi there, I'm Jack vonSerialarsonist and I tap on the glass of fish tanks.
That out of the way, yes, I'm back. First and foremost, I have to dedicate this long overdue post to someone dear to me who passed away. Grigori Pilokovitch was the greatest Me Impersonator and Body Double I've ever had, and he gave his life to save mine from a horde of irate alligators that Joe sent after me. Now then, I know some of you may be a bit ticked at me for not posting, but life happens, you know? I had to brainwash the Pope, deal with things at home, convince Russia to reform the Soviet Union, spend time at rehersal, and force Mr. T to get a haircut.
BUT, I come back with all intentions to serve the fans. Among my travels, I happened to come upon a BETA copy of Super Smash Bros. Brawl on the body of a vic--custome---in a ditch. I have to admit, it is alot more fun than the released verson of Brawl. You see, they forgot to 'tone down' the characters in the Beta. For example, when I chose Solid Snake for a fight against Mario, when I grabbed Mario, Snake just snapped Mario's neck, tucked him into a duffel bag, and threw him off the stage before camoflaguing into the background. Then Metal Gear REX burst out of the stage and I had to re-do the boss fight from Metal Gear Solid...but I digress.
Then I played the RELEASED version of Brawl. I found it extremely enjoyable despite the lack of realistic violence. I expect parts to fly when I hit someone with a bomb...but still, fun game. It actually has a single-player campaign with...no... could it be? A PLOT?! No...no, oh thank heaven...well, a loose semblance of a plot where basically all of the fighters team up against some villains who bomb places into another dimension but eventually all of the bad guys turn over to the Light side of the Force and they take on the Final Boss the end. And you don't even get to fight Master Hand...of course you do in Classic Mode, but not in the Campaign. -_-
Still going to give it an A as far as video games go.
My next order of business involves a growing threat to all of us, except me, because I'm that evil and have already alligned myself with this evil power. The growing evil is....LEWIS BLACK'S NEW SHOW! The Root of All Evil. Honest? I THINK NOT! They've already had a few episodes, and have I ever been a choice?! NO! IT IS AN OUTRAGE! Oprah I could understand, even I think she's getting too powerful for her own good, but still, talking about evil and ignoring me?! NOT COOL, Lewis Black. Not cool. Soon, all ACTUALLY evil things, people, and dolphins will be ignored. This cannot stand! I shall be constructing a Clam Cannon to wipe him from the face of the planet....Nothing is more lethal than a genetically-altered clam.
Now, to you fans, I must apologize again. I'd honestly had no idea that you all actually read this and waited for it. For that, I...well, I can't bring myself to apologize, so I'll have my Slave Echidna type it:
oianw8ehangaw8hgnavsjdjlanguizsdf;ojasdfhu
Bad idea. No thumbs. Alright, take two, Slave Chimp:
pilllow chicken banana banana banana anna bananna banana ban
Not my day. Forgot about the simple mind. OKAY. Last try, Slave Hobo:
lookie here its one of them computers ive always wanted alrighty mr vonserialarsonist wants me to apologize for not posting more often so here it is he's reallly really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really sorry.
Thank you Mr. McPharson. Well, that is a load off my chest, and I just received MORE good news. Doctor Who is returning in a week or so. You know what that means? It means we're looking at more Brilliant episodes. I wholeheartedly suggest watching the series. Those Britains know how to how to do comedy.
Well, I've rambled enough...or maybe not. Whatever the case is, this is Jack vonSerialarsonist, signing off. Again, you can email me at oninx@earthlink.net if there is ANYTHING you want me to mention in the blog, I can only come up with so many ideas myself.
That out of the way, yes, I'm back. First and foremost, I have to dedicate this long overdue post to someone dear to me who passed away. Grigori Pilokovitch was the greatest Me Impersonator and Body Double I've ever had, and he gave his life to save mine from a horde of irate alligators that Joe sent after me. Now then, I know some of you may be a bit ticked at me for not posting, but life happens, you know? I had to brainwash the Pope, deal with things at home, convince Russia to reform the Soviet Union, spend time at rehersal, and force Mr. T to get a haircut.
BUT, I come back with all intentions to serve the fans. Among my travels, I happened to come upon a BETA copy of Super Smash Bros. Brawl on the body of a vic--custome---in a ditch. I have to admit, it is alot more fun than the released verson of Brawl. You see, they forgot to 'tone down' the characters in the Beta. For example, when I chose Solid Snake for a fight against Mario, when I grabbed Mario, Snake just snapped Mario's neck, tucked him into a duffel bag, and threw him off the stage before camoflaguing into the background. Then Metal Gear REX burst out of the stage and I had to re-do the boss fight from Metal Gear Solid...but I digress.
Then I played the RELEASED version of Brawl. I found it extremely enjoyable despite the lack of realistic violence. I expect parts to fly when I hit someone with a bomb...but still, fun game. It actually has a single-player campaign with...no... could it be? A PLOT?! No...no, oh thank heaven...well, a loose semblance of a plot where basically all of the fighters team up against some villains who bomb places into another dimension but eventually all of the bad guys turn over to the Light side of the Force and they take on the Final Boss the end. And you don't even get to fight Master Hand...of course you do in Classic Mode, but not in the Campaign. -_-
Still going to give it an A as far as video games go.
My next order of business involves a growing threat to all of us, except me, because I'm that evil and have already alligned myself with this evil power. The growing evil is....LEWIS BLACK'S NEW SHOW! The Root of All Evil. Honest? I THINK NOT! They've already had a few episodes, and have I ever been a choice?! NO! IT IS AN OUTRAGE! Oprah I could understand, even I think she's getting too powerful for her own good, but still, talking about evil and ignoring me?! NOT COOL, Lewis Black. Not cool. Soon, all ACTUALLY evil things, people, and dolphins will be ignored. This cannot stand! I shall be constructing a Clam Cannon to wipe him from the face of the planet....Nothing is more lethal than a genetically-altered clam.
Now, to you fans, I must apologize again. I'd honestly had no idea that you all actually read this and waited for it. For that, I...well, I can't bring myself to apologize, so I'll have my Slave Echidna type it:
oianw8ehangaw8hgnavsjdjlanguizsdf;ojasdfhu
Bad idea. No thumbs. Alright, take two, Slave Chimp:
pilllow chicken banana banana banana anna bananna banana ban
Not my day. Forgot about the simple mind. OKAY. Last try, Slave Hobo:
lookie here its one of them computers ive always wanted alrighty mr vonserialarsonist wants me to apologize for not posting more often so here it is he's reallly really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really sorry.
Thank you Mr. McPharson. Well, that is a load off my chest, and I just received MORE good news. Doctor Who is returning in a week or so. You know what that means? It means we're looking at more Brilliant episodes. I wholeheartedly suggest watching the series. Those Britains know how to how to do comedy.
Well, I've rambled enough...or maybe not. Whatever the case is, this is Jack vonSerialarsonist, signing off. Again, you can email me at oninx@earthlink.net if there is ANYTHING you want me to mention in the blog, I can only come up with so many ideas myself.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
An apology.
Hi there, I'm Jack vonSerialarsonist, and I introduced the Pope to red Prada loafers.
I know some may have been looking for a blog update, but I don't have one for you. I'm sorry, but my life was absorbed by a little thing called: BRAWL!
Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
Its that addictive. In any case, I'll post this week with a review, along with some other patented humor. By the way, I have a new email address: jackvonserialarsonist@earthlink.net
So yeah, drop me a line. Cheers.
I know some may have been looking for a blog update, but I don't have one for you. I'm sorry, but my life was absorbed by a little thing called: BRAWL!
Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
Its that addictive. In any case, I'll post this week with a review, along with some other patented humor. By the way, I have a new email address: jackvonserialarsonist@earthlink.net
So yeah, drop me a line. Cheers.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Star Wars, Star Wars?! WE DONT NEED NO STINKING STAR WARS!
Hi there, I'm Jack vonSerialarsonist. I convinced Dick Cheney to take up quail hunting.
Well readers, here it is, blog number two. Those of you who get the 'Badges' reference, kudos to you! Your death will be quicker but probably not less painful. As you all should know, we all read and consider fan suggestions, however, there is one suggestion that has been posted again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again! I talk about: Star Wars parodies.
Ladies, Gentlemen, Various Hooved Mammals, I give you my first rant.
Now, I'm not denying that Star Wars is a great series. I LOVE Star Wars. I would like nothing more than to be able to shoot lightning from my finger tips, choke people from across the room, and slice up anyone I didn't like. Darth vonSerialarsonist...I like the sound of that. But back to reality. Star Wars parodies are some of THE most common parodies there are. And to have us do them would be doing Star Wars an injustice, (and Lego Star Wars beat us before we could get to it.)
Now, basically asking us to do a Star Wars Episode is a crime. Imagine that Star Wars is a favorite relative of yours, who goes into a coma and clearly states that he wants to die peacefully, and does so. But then comes the parody the first time, and brings him back, and he lives on a bit more, until dying again, losing more brain cells. Repeat the process several million times per parody, and you leave Star Wars an empty shell of its former glory, reeking of urine and drooling all over you when you want to give it a hug.
I dont like being slobbered on when I hug someone, though when I hug, I'm typically plotting someone's demise...but I digress, we could never do that to Star Wars. We respect it too much. But that doesn't stop people from sending us these sort of suggestions. Note: I'm changing names to keep the annoyances anonymous. {Note to self: Create the AA, Annoyances Anonymous.}
Here is the kind written by the 7-12 year old fanboy.
Deer joe and dan and jak,
lollz0rz, i <3 ur lst muve u no wat wuld b funE, STAR WARS!!!!!!!!1 jak culd totaly b vader. U GUYZ ROK! lololololloolololllool!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!1 -Annoying Dumb!*&# One
Here is the kind written by the 12-15 year old fanboy.
Dear Joe, Dan, and Jack,
DUDES! YOUR LAST MOVIE WAS SO AWESOME I TOTALLY LOLD WHEN JACK MADE THAT GUY HIT HIMSELF! I LOVE YOUR GUYS MOVIES!! YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE FUNNY? A STAR WARS EPISODE! IT WOULD BE HILARIOUS, JACK COULD TOTALLY BE DARTH VADER!!!!!! CAN I BE IN THAT ONE BECAUSE I SUGGESTED IT? YOU GUYS ARE COOL! LOLZ -Annoying Dumb!*&# Two
And my personal favorite, but nonetheless annoying, the kind written by the 16 year old+ fanboy/geek.
Dear Joe Dan and Jack,
I thought your last movie was a great testiment to stop-motion movies. I've never before seen such quality from an ameteur creator. Frankly I found it hilarious when you had the "The Cake is a lie" reference. However you forgot that the Portal Gun cannot close portals, noobs. But to my original point. I think it would be hilarious if you did an episode dedicated to Star Wars. As comedic geniuses yourselves, I'm certain that you can see the merit in doing an episode dedicated to the finest work of my God, George Lucas. It would be fantastic in every way. May the Force Be With You. -Annoying Dumb!*&# Three With No Life, Overweight, Pathetic Social Skills, Lives in his Parents' Basement, and finds Princess Leia brand Gold Bikinis attractive.
As you can see, they are more or less the same. Now if you think I'm overrreacting, those were just three letters. We get SO MANY fan letters daily, and almost all of them ask for a Star Wars parody. If you havent picked up my point yet, perhaps this will clear it up:
WE ARE NOT DOING ANY STARWARS MOVIES! WE WILL NOT DO ANY STAR WARS MOVIES NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU ASK! WE VALUE YOUR OPINIONS, BUT STOP ASKING FOR STARWARS!
To further my point, I searched all of YouTube, and found that Star Wars Parodies made from Legos. The result were as such: 98% of Lego Movies were Star Wars Parodies, 1% Were Harry Potter Parodies, and the other 1% were ours. Note: None of these figures are true, but they get the point across. It doesn't matter anyway, in my new world order, my word is law, so when I take over, these figures will be correct up until I destroy the parodies.
Now don't get us wrong, we love being written to, but for the love of Yoda, enough with the demand for Star Wars Parodies! Try and be creative. Please? PRETTY PLEASE!?
Well, that out of my system, I hope you all learn a valuable lesson from this: As much as we love lightsabers, Hyperspace, Death Stars, Gold Bikinis, and Samuel L. Jackson as the token black guy who gets the electric finger, give it a rest. Leave it to Hollywood to bring things back from the grave...and experts such as Necromancers and Voodoo Preists.
So then, guys and girls, that brings this week's blog to an end. Next week, I might write in a game review, or perhaps something else. Joe and Dan aren't the only one to take suggestions. Have something you want me to rant about, or anything else you want to see, drop me a line. oninx@earthlink.net
I'll take ideas into consideration, though if you ask me to do anything about Star Wars, I'll just tell Joe that you have a cake with you, and leave it at that.
So, until next time readers, and may the farce be with you. -Jack vonSerialarsonist
Well readers, here it is, blog number two. Those of you who get the 'Badges' reference, kudos to you! Your death will be quicker but probably not less painful. As you all should know, we all read and consider fan suggestions, however, there is one suggestion that has been posted again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again! I talk about: Star Wars parodies.
Ladies, Gentlemen, Various Hooved Mammals, I give you my first rant.
Now, I'm not denying that Star Wars is a great series. I LOVE Star Wars. I would like nothing more than to be able to shoot lightning from my finger tips, choke people from across the room, and slice up anyone I didn't like. Darth vonSerialarsonist...I like the sound of that. But back to reality. Star Wars parodies are some of THE most common parodies there are. And to have us do them would be doing Star Wars an injustice, (and Lego Star Wars beat us before we could get to it.)
Now, basically asking us to do a Star Wars Episode is a crime. Imagine that Star Wars is a favorite relative of yours, who goes into a coma and clearly states that he wants to die peacefully, and does so. But then comes the parody the first time, and brings him back, and he lives on a bit more, until dying again, losing more brain cells. Repeat the process several million times per parody, and you leave Star Wars an empty shell of its former glory, reeking of urine and drooling all over you when you want to give it a hug.
I dont like being slobbered on when I hug someone, though when I hug, I'm typically plotting someone's demise...but I digress, we could never do that to Star Wars. We respect it too much. But that doesn't stop people from sending us these sort of suggestions. Note: I'm changing names to keep the annoyances anonymous. {Note to self: Create the AA, Annoyances Anonymous.}
Here is the kind written by the 7-12 year old fanboy.
Deer joe and dan and jak,
lollz0rz, i <3 ur lst muve u no wat wuld b funE, STAR WARS!!!!!!!!1 jak culd totaly b vader. U GUYZ ROK! lololololloolololllool!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!1 -Annoying Dumb!*&# One
Here is the kind written by the 12-15 year old fanboy.
Dear Joe, Dan, and Jack,
DUDES! YOUR LAST MOVIE WAS SO AWESOME I TOTALLY LOLD WHEN JACK MADE THAT GUY HIT HIMSELF! I LOVE YOUR GUYS MOVIES!! YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE FUNNY? A STAR WARS EPISODE! IT WOULD BE HILARIOUS, JACK COULD TOTALLY BE DARTH VADER!!!!!! CAN I BE IN THAT ONE BECAUSE I SUGGESTED IT? YOU GUYS ARE COOL! LOLZ -Annoying Dumb!*&# Two
And my personal favorite, but nonetheless annoying, the kind written by the 16 year old+ fanboy/geek.
Dear Joe Dan and Jack,
I thought your last movie was a great testiment to stop-motion movies. I've never before seen such quality from an ameteur creator. Frankly I found it hilarious when you had the "The Cake is a lie" reference. However you forgot that the Portal Gun cannot close portals, noobs. But to my original point. I think it would be hilarious if you did an episode dedicated to Star Wars. As comedic geniuses yourselves, I'm certain that you can see the merit in doing an episode dedicated to the finest work of my God, George Lucas. It would be fantastic in every way. May the Force Be With You. -Annoying Dumb!*&# Three With No Life, Overweight, Pathetic Social Skills, Lives in his Parents' Basement, and finds Princess Leia brand Gold Bikinis attractive.
As you can see, they are more or less the same. Now if you think I'm overrreacting, those were just three letters. We get SO MANY fan letters daily, and almost all of them ask for a Star Wars parody. If you havent picked up my point yet, perhaps this will clear it up:
WE ARE NOT DOING ANY STARWARS MOVIES! WE WILL NOT DO ANY STAR WARS MOVIES NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU ASK! WE VALUE YOUR OPINIONS, BUT STOP ASKING FOR STARWARS!
To further my point, I searched all of YouTube, and found that Star Wars Parodies made from Legos. The result were as such: 98% of Lego Movies were Star Wars Parodies, 1% Were Harry Potter Parodies, and the other 1% were ours. Note: None of these figures are true, but they get the point across. It doesn't matter anyway, in my new world order, my word is law, so when I take over, these figures will be correct up until I destroy the parodies.
Now don't get us wrong, we love being written to, but for the love of Yoda, enough with the demand for Star Wars Parodies! Try and be creative. Please? PRETTY PLEASE!?
Well, that out of my system, I hope you all learn a valuable lesson from this: As much as we love lightsabers, Hyperspace, Death Stars, Gold Bikinis, and Samuel L. Jackson as the token black guy who gets the electric finger, give it a rest. Leave it to Hollywood to bring things back from the grave...and experts such as Necromancers and Voodoo Preists.
So then, guys and girls, that brings this week's blog to an end. Next week, I might write in a game review, or perhaps something else. Joe and Dan aren't the only one to take suggestions. Have something you want me to rant about, or anything else you want to see, drop me a line. oninx@earthlink.net
I'll take ideas into consideration, though if you ask me to do anything about Star Wars, I'll just tell Joe that you have a cake with you, and leave it at that.
So, until next time readers, and may the farce be with you. -Jack vonSerialarsonist
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Hi there, I'm Jack vonSerialarsonist
Hi there, I'm Jack vonSerialarsonist. I sew together then detatch siamese twins.
That out of the way, greetings and salutations! I'm Jack. You might recognize me from Portals, Behind the Scenes, etc. as the evil, sadistic, manipulative monster that terrorizes Dan and Joe. Well, we got to thinking, and decided that since there can be weeks between new episodes, we should keep you, the fans, entertained. Now, as much as I LOVE torturing people, even I have some respect for the fans.
So after an extremely grueling Rock-Paper-Scissors tournament, I was chosen to somehow keep you all busy. So, I thought, why don't fans get to know the REAL Jack vonSerialarsonist? In truth, I'm not as stupid as I appear to be in the show...though just as evil. But what better way than this blog? There isn't, unless you could somehow see me juggle flaming kittens.
So, every week, I'm going to have another post, another story to tell, and hopefully another way to keep you all hooked as our videos implant my messages into your mind to turn you into my loyal slaves. With this first one, I'll be gentle and not warp your innocent minds too much...by telling you some things that Behind the Scenes DIDN'T tell you.
Dan actually killed one of the camera men when the Ball-Cube physics made him snap. It was funny to watch. During that time I stole his, Joe's, and the dead man's wallets. It was a good day.
Dr. K's "Thats What She Said" box made 22,579 more jokes in the next two and a half hours. You see, the guys from the show served a hot dog lunch. Dan got a foot-long while Joe was there, and one thing led to another.
Yes, I'm actually British, and my name IS NOT really Jack vonSerialarsonist...I mean really! That sounds idiotic. It sounds like the dumb sort of name a messed-up teenager in the middle of Indiana would come up with....my name's ACTUALLY Jack vonMajorstrangler.
Isn't it ironic that the first video involved Samuel L. Jackson teleporting, then about a year later, Samuel L. Jackson is in a movie where he hunts down teleporters? Just something to ponder.
Well fans, I hope this has given you at least a mild chuckle considering this is my first attempt at writing my thoughts NOT in blood, but look for new blogs weekly!
Well then, this is Jack vonSerialarsonist saying, "Good night, Sleep tight, don't let me bite and drain your soul." ...I know, it doesn't rhyme. But whatever. -Jack vonSerialarsonist.
That out of the way, greetings and salutations! I'm Jack. You might recognize me from Portals, Behind the Scenes, etc. as the evil, sadistic, manipulative monster that terrorizes Dan and Joe. Well, we got to thinking, and decided that since there can be weeks between new episodes, we should keep you, the fans, entertained. Now, as much as I LOVE torturing people, even I have some respect for the fans.
So after an extremely grueling Rock-Paper-Scissors tournament, I was chosen to somehow keep you all busy. So, I thought, why don't fans get to know the REAL Jack vonSerialarsonist? In truth, I'm not as stupid as I appear to be in the show...though just as evil. But what better way than this blog? There isn't, unless you could somehow see me juggle flaming kittens.
So, every week, I'm going to have another post, another story to tell, and hopefully another way to keep you all hooked as our videos implant my messages into your mind to turn you into my loyal slaves. With this first one, I'll be gentle and not warp your innocent minds too much...by telling you some things that Behind the Scenes DIDN'T tell you.
Dan actually killed one of the camera men when the Ball-Cube physics made him snap. It was funny to watch. During that time I stole his, Joe's, and the dead man's wallets. It was a good day.
Dr. K's "Thats What She Said" box made 22,579 more jokes in the next two and a half hours. You see, the guys from the show served a hot dog lunch. Dan got a foot-long while Joe was there, and one thing led to another.
Yes, I'm actually British, and my name IS NOT really Jack vonSerialarsonist...I mean really! That sounds idiotic. It sounds like the dumb sort of name a messed-up teenager in the middle of Indiana would come up with....my name's ACTUALLY Jack vonMajorstrangler.
Isn't it ironic that the first video involved Samuel L. Jackson teleporting, then about a year later, Samuel L. Jackson is in a movie where he hunts down teleporters? Just something to ponder.
Well fans, I hope this has given you at least a mild chuckle considering this is my first attempt at writing my thoughts NOT in blood, but look for new blogs weekly!
Well then, this is Jack vonSerialarsonist saying, "Good night, Sleep tight, don't let me bite and drain your soul." ...I know, it doesn't rhyme. But whatever. -Jack vonSerialarsonist.
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